so he has a boyfriend now. that's cool. before i go on, yeah of course i'm jealous! but it's fine, because it's kind of douchey to hate on someone for having a boyfriend.
i think maybe a couple months ago i probably would have been rolling in a pile of self abuse and loneliness. i kind of don't want to be that person anymore. why kind of? because being a queeremo was the only thing that felt "right." not that it's right, but it was the only thing i really knew. yeah it's kind of shallow, but before i never really let anything give me any self esteem.
now i want to be a better[ish] person. the self confidence have to come from the source of the word: self. my priority isn't to get a boyfriend anymore. i remember back in high school, the thought of ever being with someone was just to bypass the loneliness. isn't that so high school?
it's gotten to that point where i compare anything immature to how i was in high school. but who's to say that maybe those immature tendencies haven't just progressed over the years? maybe with all my wisdom i'm led to believe i've gained over the years, i've really just encompassed my true ignorance.
now that my train of thought is taking on new rails and new routes, it's getting progressively difficult to express in words how i feel. i firmly believe that to be one of the main reasons i want to be a designer. as i told my classmates in Speech, "Sometimes words aren't enough to express a message. People tend to respond more positively to shape & color."
i often wonder what someone would think if they ever read my blog. the titles are so unoriginal! i got the idea from Degrassi, how during the earlier episodes the titles of their episodes were always 80's song titles (not sure if they still do that - i don't keep up with the show anymore, unfortch).
before i forget, i want to make a note of it somewhere that people that take the time to make comments on YouTube are total asshats. like really, aside from the fact that saying something negative takes more energy than something positive, why do people take the time out of their lives to even post a comment? just look at the damn video, and move on with your life. if the video sucks.... then move on! it irritates me when people watching Tekken6 videos think they know what they're talking about when they say "should've done this...." or "why didn't they do that...". aside from the fact that Tekken 6 is a new game, there's new features and changes that make it different from T5DR. and since it's only been released in Japan, only those who've played it in JAPAN really have a valid opinion. all them other little tykes at home that think they know their shaiza should wait about 3-4 months before the game comes out to open their dumb haole mouths. kthx!
it really threw me for a loop when.... let's call him J.... i found out he wanted to be a graphic designer. not so much because i don't think he can't be creative, because i don't know him well enough to say. i want to be an optimist and say that people always have potential and should invest time into their passion. thing is, with J he's been in school for how many years now, not knowing what he wanted to do. he graduated high school 5 years ago, and he's only now doing his BFA. i'm sure it takes like 3 years tops to figure out what you want to do. for some, that's not the case. but for a smart guy like him, what happened?!?
and it's strange ~ he doesn't strike me as the kind of guy that is into design. my personal opinion on design is in order for you to pursue it, you have to be somewhat involved in creativity for the majority of your life. i'm not sure when i started. i think the first time i realized i loved playing with color was in 4th grade? i loved coloring books. and 4th grade is a bit old to be still into coloring books. i was also really into origami. i can still make a paper crane to this day! unfortunately that's the only thing i remember how to make. but with J, i haven't seen much. i think my opinion is a bit valid, seeing as i kind of grew up with him.
you know, maybe i'm missing something. who knows, J might be one of those people that keep their potential hidden. wonder if i'm one of those people...
